


Lover, Hunter, Friend and Enemy

by complexlady



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And Then Some, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Like slow, Oops, Reiner Braun Needs a Hug, Slow Build, Slow Burn, and Jean - Freeform, he needs it, just wanted to give Reiner some love, their friendship will also be important to the story, to enemies again, with OC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/complexlady/pseuds/complexlady
Summary: In life, in love, this time I can't afford to loseFor one, for all, I'll do what I have to doYou can't understand, it's all part of the planLover, hunter, friend and enemyYou will always be every one of theseNothing's fair in love and warBroken pieces of the nightSing like hollow lullabiesYou and I, always in disguisesCadet Mara Luna joins the 104th Southern Division with a goal and gets more than she bargained for.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Original Female Character(s), Reiner Braun/Original Female Character(s), Reiner Braun/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Initiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic will definitely have spoilers for anyone not up to date with the anime as we get into Reiner's POV

The sun shone brightly directly into her eyes, the sting of the light making water gather at the edges of her vision; her hands ached to shield them but with the Commandant so close she couldn’t risk even flinching. Her ears we already ringing from his loud words to the boy next to her. The combination of the heat and the nerves was making her shirt stick to her chest. Her joints were aching to move just a little, but she had to stay still lest she made the towering man even angrier.

“And you?” she focused her eyes to find the man directly in front of her, a momentary shield from the sun.

  
“Mara Luna from Trost District, sir!” she shouted her right fist hitting her chest in a salute.

  
“And why have you decided to join the cadets, maggot?”

“To join the Garrison and protect Wall Rose, sir!”

  
Shadies’s eyes narrowed at her before his face turned back into a scowl and he scoffed.

  
“Protect Wall Rose? Don’t make me laugh the best a girl like you can do is die and alleviate the strain on resources. About face maggot!” Shadies spat at her issuing a command but turning her around himself anyway.

  
It took all of Mara’s resolve not to let out the breath she had been holding in, or even wipe the spit from her face. While his words had been harsh, she could’ve had it worse. Though she did wonder if the Commandant knew she had held back the whole truth, his eyes seem to suggest so. Either way she was glad that he had moved on without dragging it out too long. While it was true that protecting Wall Rose was her end goal, Mara’s reasons for joining the cadets were her own and she had no plans on telling anyone. In fact, she was hoping to get by without telling anyone anything. She had got this far in life without friends why would she need them now? She was sure she was bound to get a lecture from Shadies about the importance of teamwork or whatever but surely, she can work with these people without getting close to them, right?  
Mara could hear him now further down the line speaking with Armin, the blonde boy she recognised from Shiganshina. She could hear his determination, clear from any doubts though she knew he didn’t come of his own accord. Mara nearly laughed. She could talk.

  
Her mind wandered as she zoned out of what was happening around her, no longer so worried now that her turn was up. She glanced around at the other faces around her. It was easy to tell those who had fled after the fall of Wall Maria from just their faces; that and the fact that she recognised a few of them from that day. Their faces were haunted but held an absolute resolve to their cause. She figured that was why Shadies passed by most of them without a second glance. Not that she was complaining the sooner this was done the better.

  
“What do we have over here?” Shadies’ voice carried around the clearing.

“Jean Kirstein, sir, from the Trost District!”

  
That brought Mara out of her stupor. Jean? What was he doing here? She craned her neck slightly to try and get a better look.

  
“And why are you here Cadet?”

  
“To join the Military Police, sir, the best of the best,” Jean replied.

  
Of course, he was. Jean always thought himself better than the town he grew up in. What better way to fast track himself out than to join the Military Police? If she had known him better, she would’ve seen this coming. Still, she smiled, Commandant Shadies shouldn’t like that answer.

  
“That’s’ nice. You wanna live in the Interior do ya?” Shadies said after a moments silence.

  
“Yes- “

  
Jean was cut off by a loud smacking sound followed by a louder fall to the ground. Mara wished more than anything she could see it.

  
“No one told you to sit recruit! If you can’t handle this Kirstein, then you can forget about joining the Military Police!”

  
Mara supressed a smile. Good luck to whoever had to face Shadies next, Jean seemed to worsen his mood if that were even possible.

  
“What the hell is wrong with your face, you smiling idiot?”

  
And there it was. Even thought the next guy seemed to have a sunny disposition Shadies still likened him to Titan fodder. How pleasant.

  
Mara jumped at what sounded like a hard slap and looked in that direction so see the Commandant holding the next recruit by the head. Ouch. She felt for the poor guy though it was his fault for not getting a simple thing as the salute correct. Spoke too soon, she thought, as Shadies dropped the short boy to the ground, Mara felt worse for whoever was on the other end of his glare.

  
“Hey you there. What do you think you’re doing?” Shadies’s voice held eerily calm before he screamed again.

  
“YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON MY SHIT LIST!”

  
Mara was sure that the next few years were going to be very eventful and glancing around at the people around her who had already found something to laugh about together she wasn’t sure she would be able to stick to plan so easily. The people around her were catching her eye their face contorted in a shared joke. It seemed to her they had no problem with making fast friends. Yes, it was definitely going to be hard to stay out of the way of friendship. Afterall, a lifetime is a long time to be alone.


	2. Confrontation

After the incident with Potato Girl, Shadies moved quickly through the rest of the recruits. The cadet’s legs ached from standing in the same position for hours, this was not helped by having to watch Sasha run around them. They were more than happy when they were dismissed for the last meal of the day, opting to change into their more comfortable attire before congregating in the mess hall. Walking up to the door, Mara took one glance at Sasha, who had slowed down significantly, before heading into eat; the poor girl had gotten herself into this mess those standing and watching were doing her no favours.

After collecting her food, Mara deliberated over where to sit and eat. She didn’t want to sit in her own where she would stand out, and soon gain a reputation as a loner, but if she sat next to anyone, they might think it was an invitation to talk to her. She noticed Jean sitting with a few other boys; chewing her lip in contemplation she realised she would have to talk to him at some point. But not yet. Glancing around, Mara saw Mikasa whom she shared a dorm with, but she knew the girl was waiting for the two boys and with Eren, that table would never be quiet. She also recognised a couple others from after the fall of Wall Maria, but they seemed absorbed in their own thoughts. In the end she took a table behind Jean’s where she had a good view of the room. She could watch how her classmates’ behaviour changed, away from the careful watch of Commandant Shadies. This is where Mara felt most comfortable, on the edges, silently observing.

Part way through her meal, Mara noticed a crowd gathering around one table and Eren’s dulcet tones carrying through the room. She rolled her eyes; the loud boy’s behaviour was annoyingly predictable. She was almost sure that by the end of the day he would make at least one enemy. And then, as if almost on cue, as Eren repeated his usual rant about joining the scouts a voice piped up from in front of Mara’s table.

“Hey, are you crazy or something?” Jean called out, casually his head resting on his hand. Mara smiled from behind her cup, this was about to get interesting. “Not that it’s any of my business but signing up for reconnaissance is like a death sentence.” She couldn’t argue with that, the Scouts were famous with for high casualty rates with little to no results, joining them was a waste of effort.

“I guess we’ll see. Or at least I will, you seem content on hiding in the interior with the MPs,” Eren retorted. “Look, I’m just speaking honestly here, kid. I think it’s better than being some loud-mouth, bragger, tough-guy wannabe pretending he’s not as piss-scared as the rest of us.”

“Are you trying to pick a fight?” Eren stood up, gaging Jean’s interest.

“Hey, stop it you guys,” a soft voice intervened.

“Alright sure, makes no difference to me,” Jean said, making his way over to Eren in the middle of the room. Mara scoffed. Boys. Always in a fight for dominance.

She also stood up walking around the crowd towards the door. Someone had to make sure Shadies didn’t come in to dismiss them and see the ruckus, she thought. Of course, she was only looking out for herself, she didn’t care if those idiots met the Commandants wrath.

As soon as she met the cool air, she heard the bell signalling the end of dinner rings over head. The Commandant was walking towards the mess room, Mara wasn’t sure about the development of the fight, so she thought of something quickly.

“Commandant Shadies,” she called over to him.

“What is it Cadet?”

“Er, I was just wondering what we’d be doing tomorrow,” Mara cringed, they were already told this. She braced herself for a telling off, but she was pleasantly surprised with his response.

“It’s the first ODM training session tomorrow so be sure to get some rest, Luna,” Shadies responded, “it’s nice to see someone taking initiative to be prepared, well done Cadet.”

“Um thank you, sir,” Mara said taken aback, “and is there anything I can do to be prepared?”

“Yes, prepare your abdominal muscles and stretch in the morning.”

“Yes, sir,” Mara replied, recovering from her initial shock at Shadies’ response, she thought to herself that the Commandant wasn’t what he first seemed. It was clear to her now that he was putting on the strict front for the sake of the event that occurred earlier. His show of scaring the cadets was probably well timed to root out the weaklings before the real training started. It had worked as well. Mara had noticed the carts of recruits that had packed their stuff and left for home. Underneath there must’ve been a reason he had chosen to teach Cadets, so his advice wasn’t as out of place.

“Anything else, Cadet?” Shadies’ voice pulled her out her thoughts.

“No sir!” Mara saluted, spotting Eren leaving the cabin.

“Good. Now make sure everyone leaves the mess hall. The bell has sounded.”

“Yes sir!” As Shadies walked away Mara exhaled. She can’t believe she just stuck her neck out for those stupid boys. Wait, she was doing this for herself right? There was a chance had Shadies seen the fight, the whole room would’ve shared in the punishment, but maybe in that moment Mara had felt a sort of surge of comradery for the two boys she just barely knew. After all, out of all the strangers in this place she probably knew those two to the most. Which wasn’t saying much. Her father had once told her that her heart was too big for this world. She would love to disagree.

Turning around towards the door, a figure leaning on the balcony outside catches her eye. Jean looked out into the distance, forlornly the light casting shadows on his face highlighting his misery. Mara continued to the door to relay the Commandant’s message but pauses with her hand on the handle. Curse my big heart, she thinks to herself as she turns around leaning next to Jean on the railing.

Jeans glances at her tilting his head slightly towards her. He turns back to look at something in the dark before turning back again at a speed that could give anyone whiplash.

“Mara?”

“The one and only,” she turns to face him taking in the baffled look on his face.

“What- what are you doing here?”

“I would ask you the same but after that whole thing at dinner it’s pretty clear where you stand.”

Jean laughs darkly, his expression falling back into the look of contempt.

“Yeah well, everyone has their reasons for joining. Fuck me for not having noble ones, right?”

“Well, your reasons are shallow but who cares? Eren’s reasons aren’t exactly noble, more stupid if you ask me,” Mara countered, still unsure at herself why she was trying to comfort a guy she had barely spoken to in years.

“Yeah?” Jean asked turning to her his eyes catching the light of the lamps that lit the exterior of the cabin.

“Definitely, joining the Scouts is asking for death without reason. If he’s lucky he might take a couple of Titans before he expires but what good does that do against the millions out there.”

“Exactly,” Jean exhaled feeling validated, “what about you though? We were sure you’d follow your dad’s footsteps. What are you doing here?”

“Things change,” Mara said her eyes focused on here hands, not looking Jean in the eye, “I’m going to join the Garrison Regiment. Only a matter of time before Wall Rose is compromised. I feel like I’m best put to use there.”

“I see,” Jean says quietly noticing the change in her demeanour but not pushing her to say more.

They stand together in silence for a few moments before he speaks again.

“Hey, remember the time Mr. Hannigan tried to tell us that the underground was full of low-lifes?”

Mara smiled at that.

“Yeah and you stood up and argued with him, oh man, what did he say?”

“ ‘You boy are going the right way to end up right there with those miscreants’,” Jean said puffing his chest and putting on a convincing impression of their old teacher, “and then I said ‘well sir at least over there-‘“

“‘I won’t have to look at your ugly face,’” Mara finished for him before they both doubled over in laughter.

“You were always standing up and saying dumb things, not just to Hannigan but all our teachers. And then,” Mara stopped, interrupted by her own laughter, “and then you’d run out before they could tell you off.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” his eyes sparkling in mirth, “I got in enough trouble when they told my mum.”

“Your mum!” Mara’s eyes lit up remembering all the times Jean’s mum had come to drop off his lunch to school when he’d forgotten it, “I can’t imagine her ever shouting at her little Jean-Boy.”

Jean’s eyes widened.

“Sshh!” he covered her mouth looking around to see if anyone had heard making Mara laugh harder, “I can’t believe you remember that!”

“Don’t worry,” she said pulling out of his hold, “I won’t tell anyone.”

Jean looked at her sceptically and nudged her with his shoulder.

“You better not.”

“I won’t! You can trust me.”

“Trust you? The girl who never spoke to anyone?”

“Hey! It wasn’t as if you were Mr Popular either!” Mara said indignantly.

“Well, that’s because no one liked me, no one even knew you!”

“Well you’re right there.”

“I know I am.”

“No one liked you.”

“HEY! I can say that, but you can’t!” Jean exclaimed nudging her again.

Mara laughed at that.

“I’m kidding,” she paused for a second before adding, “I liked you.”

That surprised Jean.

“You did?” he said looking at her face, but Mara was adamantly avoiding his eye contact.

“Yeah.”

“Well you didn’t really act like it.”

“I didn’t like anyone; you were the exception,” Mara took a deep breath not believing she was about to say this. “You know how you would always run out before the teachers had a chance to tell you off?”

“Yeah?” Jean wondered where this was going, but he could sense her hesitation, so her let her continue without interruption.

“Well, you also missed the times I stood up for you,” Mara spoke hurriedly as if saying it quicker would lessen the embarrassment somehow, “not every time mind you. But sometimes I agreed with what you said, and I’d tell the teacher to stop restricting your curiosity.”

“Wait, is that why you stayed behind so often?”

Mara laughed again, quieter.

“Yeah, apparently answering back to teachers is a crime punishable by detention.”

Jean’s eyes widened, as if he were seeing her for the first time.

“Wow, I had no idea.”

Mara’s eyes stayed focused in front of her. She didn’t tell Jean that, after finding out why she frequently got detentions, her father would tell her to make friends with him. But she always laughed it off. She preferred her life with only her and her dad. She didn’t need anyone else. Mara shook her head then turned to face Jean.

“Yeah, well that’s how I wanted it,” she said, “you knowing would’ve just made things more complicated.”

“And it’s not complicated now?” Jean looked at her earnestly, no hint of teasing in his voice.

“Well now things are different,” was all she could say back. If she was honest, she wasn’t exactly sure what changed.

“Different,” he scoffed, “yeah that’s one way to put it. We’re not those dumb kids anymore.”

They stood again in that comfortable silence, only found with old acquaintances, shoulders just touching as their elbows rested on the railing in front of them. They stared out into the darkness that they’d be calling home for the next few years, both wondering what the future would hold for them.

“Well, I better head back to the dorms,” Mara said standing up straight.

“Yeah,” Jean stretched, scratching the back of his neck, “see you around then.”

Mara stepped off the cabin and began walking towards her dorm, her mind drifting to how the conversation had started, and the state Jean was in that had made her approach him. She hadn’t got far before she turned.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person, Jean. If you stop pretending to be, people might like you for who you are. Who knows, maybe making friends would be good for you.”

Jean didn’t say anything, but Mara could feel his eyes on her back as she continued into the dark.

“Yeah… friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still introducing the characters but don't worry Reiner will be coming soon! as well as longer chapters lol  
> also I am following the dub anime in terms of script in case you were confused  
> thanks for reading!


	3. Preparation

Mara woke up early the next morning, the sun’s rays were just illuminating the sky giving the grounds a soft glow that didn’t match its purpose. A place dedicated to moulding soldiers shouldn’t look so beautiful. She changed in to her uniform careful not to wake her dormmates and crept quietly out on to a space outside the cabin. She had decided to take the Commandant’s advice and exercise in preparation for the day’s training. While she stretched her mind wandered to last nights events.

She still couldn’t believe the conversation she had with Jean last night. Mara had never expected to open up to anyone like that, let alone the boy she had refused to make friends with, in her youth. She scolded herself, she can’t let herself get distracted. Relying on others is a weakness, she could only count on herself. And the last thing she said as she left, about making friends, what was she thinking? She had no intention of following her own advice and now she was telling Jean to? Jean was a lot like her, they both were content on their own and didn’t need other people. So why was she convincing him otherwise? Was she also convincing herself of the same thing?

She could hear her father’s voice.

_Come on Mara. There must be some reason you stick up for the boy. Why don’t you speak to him? You could be good friends._

She shook the memory from her head as she moved into a lunge. She shouldn’t be focused on that right now. It just confirmed to her that other people were a distraction, she needed to focus on her goal.

“Can I join you?” Mara looked up to see Mikasa standing in front of her.

“Sure,” she said moving into the opposite lunge, “I didn’t think anyone else was awake.”

“I just went on a run and then I saw you.”

Mara and Mikasa trained in silence, the only sounds to be heard were their concentrated breaths. The sun was now fully above the horizon casting strange elongated shadows from the contortions of their bodies as they stretched. Mara emptied her mind as she continued, stopping at the sound of the bell signalling breakfast.

Mikasa fell into step beside Mara as she made her way over to the Mess Hall.

“You’re Dr Luna’s daughter, right? Mara?” Mikasa asked after a few seconds, “I remember you from Trost, two years ago.”

“Yeah, seems like so long ago but I remember everything so clearly. Including you guys.”

Mikasa nodded as they continued walking. Mara hesitated a moment before speaking again.

“I don’t think I heard what you said to Shadies about why you joined.”

“He didn’t ask. But my answer is the same as Eren’s.”

“To kill Titans?” Mara asked.

Mikasa nodded and before she could stop herself Mara continued.

“Or is Eren the reason you joined?”

The dark-haired girl turned sharply towards her, her expression dark.

“I heard you guys talking in the middle of a street in Trost. And it sounded like the real reason you joined wasn’t anything to do with Titans.”

“And?” Mikasa argued defensively, “so what if I joined to protect Eren?”

“Nothing. I was just making an observation. We all had our reasons. It just seems to me that Eren looks down on others for their reasons, yet he dragged his friends here with him.”

“We **chose** to- “

“I know,” Mara said with her hands up, “I’m just saying he could step down from that pedestal he puts himself on.”

Mikasa goes quiet. Mara stared straight ahead as they continued walking, silently questioning why she felt the need to speak her mind. She wasn’t usually one to comment on how others went about their business. She had observed enough people to know that other’s opinions won’t affect their mindset. Maybe she saw something different in the girl beside her, like she was open to criticism. Or maybe Mara did care about her fellow cadets more than she pretended otherwise.

They reached the mess hall to find they weren’t the first ones there, “Well good luck on the ODMs today,” Mara said before parting to get food.

“Yeah, you too.”

Mara sat down at the same table as yesterday with a light breakfast. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand in a futile attempt to wipe the thin layer of sweat that lined her face, before tearing off a piece of bread, dipping it into her porridge. She wondered when everyone else would arrive. The people who were on her table at dinner weren’t too bad and they didn’t seem bothered to join her in conversation. She could get used to that.

“Oh, there you are,” a voice said from beside her, as a figure sat down.

Mara turned to see Jean making himself at home beside her, his spread of breakfast in front of him.

“Can I help you?” she looked at him blankly.

“No thanks,” he replied grinning at her with a mouthful of food.

“Why are you sitting here?”

“Why can’t I?”

“You didn’t sit here yesterday.”

“What, do we have a seating plan for meals now? Give me a break we can sit anywhere, Mara,” he bantered back, oblivious to her cold nature.

She stared at him as he took a bite of bread as if he’d grown two heads.

“What do I have something on my face?”

“It’s just-“ she hesitated, “yeah you do, right here,” she motioned to his cheek.

“Urgh, why didn’t you tell me,” he exclaimed wiping at his cheek vigorously.

There she goes with that big heart again. She could hear her father’s soft laughter in her head as she struggled internally over whether to tell Jean to move or not. In the end she decided it didn’t matter. After training Jean would move into the interior and she would be far way on the outskirts of Wall Rose. Maybe they could play friends for now, but it won’t last. At least that’s what she reasoned with herself. If Jean wanted to be pally now that’s fine after training she can go back to being alone and not relying on anyone. And maybe then she wouldn't have to interact with anyone else.

“Hey Jean, mind if I sit here?”

Mara and Jean looked up to see a freckled boy smiling at them from across the table.

“Of course, Marco, sit. Mara this is Marco he’s one of my dormmates,” Jean introduced, “ We were actually talking last night and turns out we have a lot in common. Isn’t that right, Marco?”

“Sure is. Jean and I both want to join the Military Police.”

“Is that so?” Mara said dryly looking over at Jean with an expression that only said _what are you playing at?_

“What?” Jean mouthed back with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Oh hey Connie, over here!” he said out loud across the room to a smaller boy with a shaved head talking to a girl, his food in his hands. Mara almost didn’t recognise him when he was not suspended from the Commandant’s arms. Connie walked over to the table, the girl in tow.

“Jean, hey,” Connie said sliding into the bench next to Marco, “you guys know Sasha right?”

Of course. This was the girl that dared to eat a potato during Commandant Shadies’ initiation. She was now looking hungrily at each of their meals in turn.

“Hi guys,” she said, her mouth barely containing the saliva that had built up there, “if you could spare me some food, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Sorry potato girl, no can do. I need all my strength for today. I plan to be at the top of the class for, well everything,” Jean said looking straight at Sasha, completely unaffected by her forlorn look.

“Here you can have half of my bread Sasha,” Marco said breaking his bread in to equal halves and giving it to her. She immediately took to the bread pausing only to look at Mara expectantly.

Mara sighed and handed over the rest of her bread. She didn’t want to eat to her fill anyway, lest she puked on the ODM rigs. Jean glanced at her sideways taking note of her gesture. Mara scoffed and continued with her meal. The four of them talked to each other while Mara sat silently. She laughed at certain things they said but mostly just listened. She was surprised to find the conversation quite pleasant and better that sitting on her own. She was even more surprised at Jean who, after rebuffing Sasha, had not said anything rude or out of turn in the conversation. In fact he was being…nice. Though he would catch her eye every now and then and smirk as if to say _ha, I can be friendly!_

Mara stood to leave and was shocked to find the rest of them following her without breaking conversation, as if it were normal for all of them to travel together. As they headed out the door Mara pulled Jean back from the rest and gave him a hard look.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she whispered.

“What?” he feigned innocence, “I’m doing exactly as you said. Making friends.”

“Yeah well I didn’t mean me.”

“Wait really?” Jean gasped dramatically clutching his chest, “you mean to tell me you were not going to follow your little speech yesterday?”

“Oh shove off,” she pushed him lightly as he laughed, “you know what I meant.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you meant. You think having friends would be good for me. Well, newsflash it would be good for you to,” he looked into her fuming face, “come on Mara, lighten up. Neither of us were social during school, now’s our chance to start again.”

He put an arm around her shoulder as they continued walking, his other arm outstretched in front of him gesturing his next sentence.

“Imagine actual having comradery with our comrades,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he looked into her face clearly impressed at his own joke. Mara scoffed.

“Fine, whatever just don’t expect me to make friendship bracelets or anything.”

Jean fist pumped the air.

“Yes, victory! I knew you’d come around,” he said flashing her a toothy grin.

Mara rolled her eyes and shoved him off her, quickening her pace towards their destination.

As Jean chatted animatedly beside her, Mara thought about how she underestimated him. She knew how he worked after years of observing his behaviour in Trost. However, she had never expected him to read her as easily. Maybe she doesn’t blend into the background as much as she thought she did. Still, she had to get him back for that surprise attack at breakfast. She couldn’t have him thinking he had the upper hand in this dynamic.

Her laughter carried across the grounds as Jean joked around with her before they joined the rest of their new friends in the clearing in front of the ODM rigs. Mara couldn’t see a pair of eyes follow her movements from the mess hall. No, she didn’t blend into the background at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update, the next chapter will be longer. Pinky promise!


	4. Integration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, our big blonde boy

Reiner wasn’t sure how to act amongst the boys in his dorm. He and Bertholdt were content to stick together but he didn’t want to arouse suspicion. They both figured it was best to assimilate themselves fully into the cadets. But not too close, they were the enemy after all. Not just the enemy, devils.

Bertholdt thought it was best to wait for someone to approach them. So, Reiner kept to himself for the time being. None of the other boys were talking much, save from a few that heralded from the same towns. So he hadn't spoken to anyone else. Yet.

When they went down to the mess hall for dinner, Reiner opted to sit away from Bertholdt and listened carefully to other’s conversations. They had learned a lot about life in the walls from the two years they lived here but it was always best to keep an ear out. He didn’t want to get caught off guard. They had made it this long without being found out, but before this they hadn’t really talked to many people. Pretending they were one of them. A question plagued his mind. How long until he became what he was pretending to be?

When that loud boy Eren Jaeger started ranting about killing all Titans, Reiner felt himself tense up. This kid knew nothing about what he was saying, yet he went on like he has the most experience on the matter. Reiner almost felt sorry for him. Thinking he had any chance against them, it was pitiful. He was almost grateful when that conceited mop top interrupted him. Almost. After all this guy was no better. His whole reason for joining was to live a comfortable life away from danger. Where was the nobility in that? It was just like they had been told; these devils were self-absorbed, savage creatures who needed to be wiped out. Reiner wasn’t sure who he wanted to win the fight more. Before he could make a bet with himself, he saw a girl walk around the crowd and out into the night.

His eyes were glued to her determined movements. The way her dark, brown hair gently moved out of her face as she pulled open the door made his breath catch in his throat. Her face was so familiar to him like he recognised her from a different lifetime. Like he knew her from- No that wasn’t possible. Yet she felt so close. Before Reiner could think more about it, she was gone and the fight beside him was over.

He tried to think back to initiation when he listened to everyone introduce themselves. Or had at least tried to. The Commandant had droned on for so long and with the sun beating down on them it was difficult to concentrate on every person. And at one point as Shadies had got closer to him he was more concerned with what he was going to tell the Commandant in answer to his question, than hearing others. It’s not like he was listening out for anyone familiar. Reiner didn’t exactly know anyone in the walls. And he didn’t want to. But it couldn’t hurt to find out who this girl was.

Reiner looked up to find most people had cleared out of the mess hall. He had just stepped out and found the girl right outside the door talking to mop top of all people. He clenched his fists and continued out of the cabin towards the dorms trying to clear her soft voice that was echoing in his head.

_I didn’t like anyone; you were the exception._

Reiner fell asleep with her words still in his mind and tried to stop imagining she was saying it to him instead.

The next morning, he awoke by the chatter of the other boys. Reiner supposed and annoyed groan. They had been up until late last night talking, what could they be on about now? He specifically remembered Jean, the annoying mop top, making an effort to talk to everyone.

“Had he not spoken enough to others?” he had thought bitterly.

Reiner had to restrain himself from snapping at him when Jean introduced himself the night before. But he recalled what he and Bertholdt had decided about making friends and kept up polite conversation, all the while thinking him to be a manipulating hell spawn. Not exactly friendship material. He did notice though while Jean had spoken to everyone else, he specifically ignored the scrawny kid, Eren. Reiner scoffed. So much for a truce.

He sat up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he climbed down from his bunk. His bare feet felt cold against the hard floor. He looked around realising that he was the only one not in uniform.

“Morning, big guy,” a voice called out to him.

Reiner turned and saw Jean smirk at him from his bunk as he put on his shoes.

“Morning,” Reiner mumbled his voice still thick with sleep.

“You going to change anytime soon?”

“What’s the rush?”

“We can’t miss breakfast, Reiner,” another voice chimed in as Connie hopped around beside him, squeezing into his boots.

“Yeah, I’ll make it don’t worry,” he replied, supressing a yawn.

“We’ll save you a seat,” another voice, a hand patted him on the shoulder. Reiner recognised him as Marco Bott.

“Don’t worry about it.”

He began changing as they left for the mess hall wondering what about his body language suggested he wanted to be their friends. Still, he must be doing something right if they were already warming to him. He was planning to take a little longer before opening up as not to seem too eager, but this works too. As long as he remembered what they were, he shouldn’t fall for his own lie.

By the time Reiner got to the mess hall people were already leaving, so he grabbed a bread roll and sat next to Bertholdt.

“Reiner,” Bertholdt started apprehensively, “are you sure you should be sitting next to me.”

“It’s fine Bertholdt,” he replied waving his hand dismissively, “most people are sticking with people they know from their hometowns. We came from the same place so it’s not suspicious.”

Bertholdt visibly relaxed and continued eating his meal. Reiner chewed his bread thoughtfully and surveyed the room. He was starting to match names to faces, he reckoned the sooner he learnt people the better. He noticed Jean, Connie and Marco were sitting together on a table chatting with the potato girl and someone else.

“…And as long as we do, we’re guaranteed to get in,” Bertholdt was talking but Reiner was craning his head to see who was sat next to Jean.

Just as Reiner found a good angle the person got up and he saw it was the girl from yesterday. She seemed different in her uniform, not just in the way she held herself but also in appearance. The top of her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail while the rest fell to her shoulders, so that it no longer fell into her face. The light highlighted her face in the perfect places, giving her a sort of glow. She no longer had a determined look but instead seemed more comfortable.

So, she had decided to ally herself with Jean then. Pity, Reiner thought, she seemed smarter than to fall for his smarmy bullshit. His eyes followed her as she moved towards the door and noticed her deer in headlights expression as she found herself in the middle of the group as they walked with her in the same direction. Reiner’s brows furrowed. Maybe she had got cornered by them just as he had.

“Reiner, did you hear what I said,” Bertholdt called to him trying to get his attention.

“Yeah, I agree,” Reiner replied noncommittedly, as he clambered out of the bench, in an effort to follow her to the door. Bertholdt sighed in frustration watching him leave.

Reiner stood just outside the entrance on the mess hall and watched Jean put his arm around the girl as they walked towards the ODM rigs. His eyes narrowed. He could just hear her laughter carried towards him by the breeze. He could only stare at the way her face lit up in humour as she listened to her companion talk. Reiner didn’t understand what he was doing watching her, in the moment it was the only thing he could think about.

“Reiner!” Bertholdt looked at him inquisitively, tracking his line of sight to see what had him so preoccupied.

“Come on,” Reiner replied his voice gruff, “we’re going to be late.”

Bertholdt just shook his head as they made their way to the ODM rigs, clearly someone had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

Reiner fumed beside him, fists clenched tightly as he focused on the feelings of his nails digging into his palms. How was he already getting distracted? He needed to remember the mission, that's what mattered the most. They reached the grounds to see Commandant Shadies stepping forward and addressing them.

“Cadets, there is a reason we start your training on the ODM rigs,” the Commandant’s voice boomed over the clearing as he got straight to the point, “consider this an aptitude test. It will take all the muscles in your body to master the art of balancing while suspended in the air. You will have to think about every movement you make before you make it; this is not just a test of the body but also the mind. If you cannot.”

He paused eyeing the anxious teenagers in front of him.

“You fail and you’ll be shipped to the fields.”

The crowd were littered with gasps as the stakes suddenly got higher. Reiner saw the people in front of him shuffle backwards in an attempt to avoid Shadies’ eye contact, who was currently picking the first people to try their hands on the rigs. There were five rigs, Reiner saw that Connie, Jean, Eren, Potato Girl and the mysterious girl that had caught his attention were the five chosen by the Commandant. Reiner tried to tear his eyes away from her. He couldn’t help but search her face for signs of trepidation or anxiety. Why did he want to know how she was feeling? He clenched his fists again trying to clear his mind. When that didn't work, he filled his thoughts with something else, anything else. Marley, home, his Ma. He relaxed. That's it he needed to win, for her.

“Braun, Carolina, Wagner, Bott, Ackermann,” Reiner’s head snapped towards the Commandant, “you will be assisting the first round of cadets. When they are done you will switch.”

Reiner moved forwards, looking around at the others who join him at the front. Shadies directs them to each of the rigs where the first cadets are ready to be hooked on to the rigs. Reiner watches as he points a dark-haired girl towards Jean then Marco to Connie before Shadies addresses him.

“Braun you’ll be assisting Luna.”

Reiner was unsure if he heard him right. But he felt a shove towards the girl’s direction. He couldn't believe his luck. Of all the people he had to be partnered with her. Luna. Was that her name? His throat felt dry as he approached her, a sudden nervousness overtook him that wasn’t there before, even as he learnt of the risk of expulsion. She looked over to him as he got closer and when her deep brown eyes met his he fought the urge to look away. Stop it, he berated himself, what’s gotten into you?

She looked up at him, her face unfazed, at his proximity and the task in front of her. Reiner cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“So, I’m supposed to give you a hand?”

“Well, I can’t exactly do this myself.”

He exhaled in something that resembled a laugh but came out more nervous than he intended. He could feel her eyes on him and tried to think of something else to say. But then he looked at her face again and saw her looking back at him with confused curiosity in her furrowed brows and words were once again caught in his throat. It was a relief when one of the attendants came up to hook her up to the rig.

The soft-spoken guy instructed Reiner how to secure the gear properly and to make sure the band at her waist was properly secured. As his large hands encircled her waist, Reiner thought that this felt too intimate for something so normal. His face grew hot and he hoped it wasn’t red. The instructor continued to take him through the steps, telling the girl to pay attention as she’d be doing the same to him. He fumbled with the buckles as he sensed her eyes on his hands. He cursed as he felt the rope slip through his fingers, his face getting warmer. Once he’d secured the last rope, he stepped back feeling the cool air on his face now that he wasn’t so close to the girl.

“Use the lever to pull her up,” the instructor told him.

Reiner put both hands on the lever and looked towards her.

“You ready?” he called to her back.

“Sure,” she replied calmly, though he could sense her trepidation.

Reiner winded the lever and watched as her feet left the ground. Her arms shook as she spread them trying to find a balance, her legs swinging beneath her.

“That’s it, find your footing,” the instructor guided her.

He heard her grunt in effort to keep herself from falling forward, then in moments she was standing straight in the air. He watched her freeze in place, almost fearful of making a move in case she ruined whatever had allowed her to suspend from the ropes.

“Okay, good. Now try moving about a little.”

Reiner kept his eyes on her, observing her minute movements. She seemed to be treading carefully, moving minimally in order to get a feel of how she needed to balance the rest of her body accordingly. After a little while she really found her way around the rig, and Reiner couldn’t help but smile as she moved easier in the air. There were moments where he thought she was about to fall but she righted herself before she had slipped too far. Reiner opened his mouth to congratulate her before he was interrupted.

“Hey Mara, look at us,” Jean called from the right, “we’re doing it!”

She laughed at him as he walked in the air as a demonstration of his ability.

“Yeah, I guess we are.”

Reiner scowled, looking away.

His attention was caught by the boy on the ODMs immediately to the left of them. Eren swung morosely from the ropes, trying and failing to pull himself upright. Shadies approached him.

“What is your major malfunction Jaeger?” he shouted into his face, “straighten yourself up.”

Reiner couldn’t help feeling sorry for the kid. After all that talk, he couldn’t even complete the aptitude test. Figures. Better find out now that he couldn’t handle it rather than later though.

“Pull her down Braun.”

Reiner winded the winch back, lowering the girl, to the ground. As her feet touched the floor, she let out a breathy laugh.

“Phew, glad that’s over with.”

Reiner knelt down to help remove the gear from her. This was a quicker and less embarrassing experience though he still tried not to look at her face as he did it. From this close, he could hear her rapid breathing and fast heartbeat; he hoped she couldn’t hear his.

“Glad I’m not that guy,” she said pointing her head over to Eren.

“Yeah. He doesn’t seem too happy himself.”

Mara laughed.

“I guess it’s your turn?” she asked him but looked towards the instructor for an answer.

“Yes, now you can assist Braun.”

Reiner tensed as he felt her hands, first on his waist, and then again, attaching ropes to his hips. He watched her frown in concentration, her brows mimicking the shape of her lips. She looked up at him before he could look away, he was sure his face was red now.

“Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as Eren is making it out to be,” she said to him. He could only nod in reply, afraid his next sentence might come out in a squeak as she did one last check that his gear was secure.

Then she stood up extending her hand towards him.

“I’m Mara.”

“Reiner,” replied, grasping her hand firmly in his.

He looked straight ahead of him, feeling his feet leave the ground as the girl wound the lever pulling him up. Well, he knew her name now. Mara. It suits her, he thought. He had barely noticed that he was now suspended in the air. He felt the same way as when she held his hand, introducing herself to him. Light and free. He moved easily, distributing his weight evenly, feeling the straps on his body working with the rope. He could get used to this.

Before he knew it, he was being lowered to the ground and Mara came to undo the ropes on him.

“How did you do that so easily?” she asked accusingly, as she unties him.

“I guess, I’m just better than you,” he replies smirking, his suave attitude overtaking his nerves easily. She looks up at him, brown eyes wide, eyebrows raised.

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Reiner was surprised at himself. How he’d managed to speak so confidently to her was beyond him. Reiner knew he killed a part of himself the day they broke through Wall Maria but he didn't recognise the persona he had taken on. This wasn't Marcel, so who was he trying to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These characters are really getting away from me. They seems to grow a mind of their own as I write. Looks like I'll be just as surprised where this story goes as you are!


	5. Fixation

The next few days were dedicated to perfecting their skills on the ODM rigs. Those who had managed to get it right on the first day were instructed through different manoeuvres that increased in difficulty; those who hadn’t were given more chances to get to grips with the basics. Over the week, they stuck with the pairs they had been assigned on the first day so the instructor could give better more accurate feedback. Mara had been determined to master each manoeuvre with ease, she didn’t have Jean’s goal of being top of the class, but she did at least want to be better than one person.

Mara didn’t understand him. When the blonde boy had first approached, she recognised him from after the fall of Wall Maria. Floods of refugees had fled to her town in the days that followed, but she distinctly remembered him, huddled with two of his friends in the middle of the building. He looked older now, but she’d never forget those eyes when she had approached them offering help. There she was shocked to see such determination mixed in amongst the fear.

She saw those eyes again as she had strapped him to the rig for the first time. She felt the words of comfort leave her mouth before she could register what she was saying and was pleased to see her words had helped alleviate the tension he held in his body. Mara knew he didn’t recognise her, but she didn’t blame him; how could she? Even though every face she saw over those few days were ingrained into her brain, he had just lost everything. She was probably no more than a blur in his memory.

Mara thought him to be the quiet, reclusive type as he hadn’t spoken much, in the last few minutes or the day before. So, she was surprised to see him handle the ODM with such ease and was a little bitter at how it took him no time at all to right himself once he started moving. She was even more surprised to hear the fire in his reply when she asked how he’d accomplished it. Though she had meant the words kindly she couldn’t stop the hint of jealousy creep in with the question, so his equally biting reply wasn’t uncalled for.

_I guess, I’m just better than you._

She tutted at the sound of his voice in her head. How could he think he was better than her? I’ll show him, she thought. Though, if she admitted it, she was struggling to. Reiner had outperformed her every day, making her mood fouler and fouler until Thursday evening when Jean couldn’t ignore it anymore.

“What’s gotten into you?” he had asked while they ate their evening meal.

“Just these stupid ODMs,” she replied bitterly.

“You seem to be doing fine to me,” Connie said, his mouth full of bread and soup.

“Yeah, Mara, don’t worry about it, Shadies would’ve made it clear if you weren’t performing well,” Marco added, smiling reassuringly at her.

“Yeah, I could see you. You’re good,” Jean said.

“Not good enough though,” she muttered.

Jean shook his head at her attitude.

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to get into the top ten. Leave that to those of us that actually want to join the MPs would you.”

“Like I would dream of taking that spot from you, Kirstein,” she bit back sarcastically, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder.

“I was doing good on the ODM wasn’t I?” Sasha interrupted, “I wonder if Shadies would give me back my meal privileges now.”

“I think we’re feeding you enough Sasha. If anything, you getting meals back would be better for us than you,” Connie laughed.

The conversation moved away from Mara and she continued eating in relief. How could she explain to them that she was trying so hard on the ODM rigs out of pure spite? That Reiner had really struck a nerve with her and she was confused why it bothered her so much. Was it his sarcastic words of encouragement as she failed yet again? Or was it his smirk every time she unhooked him from the rig after he had succeeded in beating her? The thing that confused her the most was that after all the teasing and taunting he threw at her, once they left the rigs Reiner barely spared her a second look; it was as if she only existed to him in that small time they trained together.

She had decided that the next day she would make a greater effort to complete the manoeuvre quicker than him. In fact, she had gone out to practise on the rigs before dinner and seen Mikasa and Armin tutoring Eren on the tricks of balancing in the air. She felt for the brown-haired boy; tomorrow was his last chance to prove himself. She expected if anyone could teach him it would be Mikasa, who according to Jean was a master of ODM. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. Mara could see him now across the room, his head bandaged, displaying his failure. She could sense he was getting desperate and Mara knew the feeling. Tomorrow was a last chance for them both.

***

Reiner sighed contentedly, stretched in his bunk, patting his stomach. The food here wasn’t great, he wished he was back home eating his mum’s rich meals, but they were filling. And he was already getting used to them. Bertholdt sat next to him surveying the rest of the bunk. Reiner felt a nudge and looked over to where Bertholdt was gesturing. The scrawny kid, Eren was asking some of the guys in their dorm to teach him how to get the ODM right, Jean was currently rebuffing him and taking too much pleasure in turning him down.

“He’s bound to come to us soon,” Bertholdt murmured to him, “should we help him?”

Reiner crossed his arms over his chest and thought it over. He and Bertholdt were among some of the oldest in the cadets, adopting a mentoring attitude to some of the younger ones could be a good cover. It's what Marcel would do. That and the fact that they were meant to herald from Wall Maria just like Eren. They had common ground to manipulate to their favour.

“Yeah, we should,” Reiner replied, his eyes not leaving the kid who was getting more and more desperate, “though let’s refuse first. We can use this chance to tell someone about why we’re here.”

“Really? Now?”

“If anyone would be willing to listen it’s Eren.”

And so they did. When Eren climbed up to their bunk to ask them for help Reiner refused. Then when it seemed like they were about to give up Bertholdt asked them about themselves and just as if they had orchestrated the conversation, the quieter boy, Armin, asked them where they were from.

“Oh, Reiner and I? We were both from a mountain village just East of Wall Maria,” Bertholdt lied easily.

“But then that means,” Armin gasped, looking shocked.

“Yeah, unlike the more prosperous towns, our village didn’t receive word right away. The Titans were on us before we even knew what was going on.”

Reiner was impressed with the way Bertholdt told the story, if he didn’t know any better, he would think everything he was saying was true. Well, it was true, it just hadn’t happened to him. Using the words of the guy they met in the mountains was quick thinking on his part.

“Hey, easy now. You’re just getting yourself worked up again,” Reiner interjected.

“Sorry,” Bertholdt looked down, “what I wanted to say is this. The four of us aren’t like _them_.”

The two younger boys leaned in.

“Them, who?”

“The others here, who’ve never been witness to the Titan’s horror.”

“Hey,” Reiner put his hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder to stop him, “how about we continue this outside?”

The boys offered no complaints as they put on their outdoor gear and headed out into the coolness of the night. Reiner felt more at ease away from the hustle and bustle of the stuffy dorm. As if the lies were less suffocating if he could let them float away into the night. They trekked up a small incline in the nearby forest and Bertholdt continued. Reiner listened to his words and understood how he was trying to get the impressionable younger cadets to trust them. He went on about life in service and their goals to join the Military Police, careful where he stepped on the rocky path.

“There’s no shame in caring about your life Bertholdt,” Armin’s soft voice reassured him, “we all do.”

“Do we?” Reiner questioned, “I’m going to return to the home that was taken from me. That’s all I care about now.”

Reiner couldn’t help the steel that entered his tone as he voiced only the truth.

“I will do it. No matter what.”

Bertholdt looked at him in recognition of what he meant and nodded, affirming his words before turning to Eren.

“What about you? Why did you sign up?”

“Why’d I join?” Eren’s face contorted in a look of rage, “I decided I have to kill them, and I won’t stop until every single Titan is dead and rotting.”

Reiner’s eyes widen as the younger boy’s soft voice became a snarl.

“Dead, every last one.”

As they reached the edge of the small cliff, Reiner indulged in Eren’s fantasies and promised to teach him what he knew about using ODM gear. They watched silently as the moon reflected light on to the lake below them, the slight wind sending ripples across the water. Paradis could be beautiful when it wanted to. Struck by the majesty of nature Reiner turned to Eren.

“I know you’ve got what it takes, I can see it in you,” and he couldn’t be sure if he was lying.

Later that night as Reiner settled down to sleep, he felt a bad taste linger at the back of his throat. He blamed it on the food and turned trying to get comfortable. He fell asleep with thoughts of harsh determined eyes, dark brown hair flowing in the wind and harsh words in a soft voice.

***

Mara could barely stomach any of the breakfast on offer that morning. She pushed her practically full bowl towards an appreciative Sasha, brushing off her praise about Mara being a goddess or whatever. She was preoccupied with containing her nerves. She’d spent extra care to prepare this morning, waking up even earlier to limber up her muscles. Mara didn’t know why she was so worked up over it but she felt like she needed to prove something to Reiner and today was her last chance to do so. Jean and Connie’s usual bantering did little to distract her from the cartwheels her stomach was doing.

As they headed down to the rigs, Mara chewed her lip anxiously, not even stopping to shrug Jean’s arm off her shoulder. She actually found the weight grounding but snapped when he flicked her cheek with his other hand.

“Why are you so worried? We told you you’re not going to fail.”

“You know you’re better than me on ODM so of course you’re so calm,” she countered, “besides today they’re giving us the hardest manoeuvre yet and I’ve just about managed to handle the other ones.”

“Pff. You worry too much. You’ll be fine,” he said with finality as if that were a fact.

Mara wished she shared his confidence, resuming her lip biting when they split off into separate crowds in front of their usual rigs. Mara heard Reiner come up behind her moments later and tried to ignore his looming presence.

“Morning,” he said to her after a few moments, his deep voice especially gruff this early, making Mara wonder if he’d only just awoken.

“Morning,” she replied eyes focused forward on the first cadets on the rigs.

“I wonder what we’ll be taught today.”

“Yeah me too.”

Reiner looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“Don’t think you’ll beat me though.”

This caught her attention. Mara felt a fire burn inside of her incinerating her nerves in an instant.

“Like I said before Braun, we’ll see about that.”

With that she turned forward, refusing to acknowledge him or the way his face lit up when she had shot back at him.

“You’re up first today Luna,” the instructor told them when they stepped forward for their turn.

Great, she thought. She had hoped that Reiner would start so she would know how fast she needed to be to beat him. Now she’d just have to do her best and hope that was enough.

“We’ll be doing somersaults today, so I’m going to have you flip around in the air and stop upright,” he explained pleasantly, motioning with his hands, “does that sound like something you can do?”

Mara nodded. She knew she had lucked out on her instructor; Instructor Bren was so nice. Jean had complained multiple times of the stick up his instructor’s ass and Connie had been quick to add that his instructor was extremely unkind in no uncertain terms. Mara could only laugh at them wishing she could brag that _her_ instructor had let her call Reiner names, but then that would be admitting to them the rivalry she had with her partner.

Was it rivalry? When had it come to that? Not on the first day. But maybe on the second, when they had finished and he told her he was two for two, emphasising his point by holding two fingers in front of her face. Then he had told him to stick his fingers where the sun doesn’t shine. (Mara noticed the instructor had pretended not to hear that.) Perhaps it was on the third day when he had gloated so hard that she had resorted to calling him names.

“Reiner? More like _rhino_ ,” she laughed in his face.

“Rhino?” he said confusedly.

“Yeah. Have you never picked up a history book? Big fat creature with leathery grey skin and big horns?” she gestured to emphasise her description, revelling in his expression becoming more and more offended, “you know the one that charges and flares its nostrils when it’s angry? Yeah, just like that!”

She pointed to his furious face, clutching her sides to hold in her laughter. He instinctively put his hands to his nose to find that his nostrils were indeed flaring. Turns out he didn’t like being compared to a Rhino; a fact Mara would use to her advantage. Especially since it turned his face so red and make Instructor Bren snort.

They were definitely rivals by the fourth day when Mara had got so low the ground her butt had scraped the floor making her an easy target for Reiner’s taunting. (She was sure the instructor saw her flip the bird and he had definitely heard her very colourful use of language.) But she couldn't be sure, after all he didn't speak to her between their ODM sessions.

Mara snapped out of her thoughts and tried to focus on Instructor Bren demonstrating how to attempt the somersault, not an easy feat when he had both feet planted on the ground.

“But don’t worry, you’ll get it,” he reassured her, signalling to Reiner to start lifting her.

Mara wasn’t so sure she would. She half wanted to shout to Reiner to stop and that she wasn’t ready, but she kept her mouth resolutely clamped shut. Just turn in the air, simple. It didn’t sound that simple. But she had to try. Tensing her muscles and squeezing her eyes closed, Mara leaned back and turned until she felt she was upright. She opened one eye. Had she done it? She opened the other. She had. It wasn’t perfect and she had wobbled a little, but she was suspended straight. She turned towards the instructor, who gave her an encouraging look.

“That’s it. Try it again.”

So, she did. And again. And again. Each time was smoother and easier than the last. She laughed. She was doing it; she was actually turning backwards in the air. Whooping now, she leant backwards going faster this time. As she hung upside down time seemed to slow. A wide laugh still etched on her face she locked eyes with Reiner for a split second, her eyes focused on his smiling face before she was upright again. Was it just her imagination or did he look pleased for her? She closed her eyes and readjusted her focus her attention back on to the task at hand. With the remainder of her time, she practised the somersault in sequence with other moves she learnt that week. Then her turn was up, and she was let down.

Now to see how Reiner fared.

“I’m sure it won’t be that hard seeing as you managed it so easily,” he said to her as she hooked him up.

“I wouldn’t be too sure, Rhino. I don’t think you’re graceful enough for it,” she grinned up at him.

She expected his face to drop just like all the other times she had used that nickname but instead he grinned back at her. Prick, she thought, how dare he be so confident that he’s better than me. She stepped back, silently praying to walls that he’d somehow mess up before hoisting him up.

“Okay Braun, same thing just lean back and let your body do the work.”

Mara watched in anticipation as Reiner leaned back and then swung around… then swung around again. She gasped. He hadn’t stopped.

“Try again. This time make sure to stop,” the instructor told him.

He leant back again this time stopping himself just before he was vertical causing him to fall forwards, his head swinging inches from the ground. Instructor Bren came and righted him.

“That was too early, Braun. You have to get the timing right.”

Mara couldn’t believe it; she’d done it, she’d beaten him. Finally.

Reiner continued trying and got the manoeuvre a little while later and swung 360 as easily as she had. But she had gotten there quicker. A lot quicker.

When his turn was up Mara winded him down and went to take off the rope connecting him to rig.

“Seems like I won,” she gloated not even trying to keep the stupidly big grin off her face.

“Yeah, you did,” he replied not looking as angry or embarrassed as she thought he would.

“You’re not the best after all.”

“Looks that way,” he answered smoothly.

No, she didn’t understand him at all. Why wasn’t he even trying to fight her? He’d been doing it all week. It seemed like he’s just given up. Or maybe she was just making their rivalry out to be bigger than it was.

“Mara!” her thoughts were interrupted by Jean calling out to her, “come on, let’s get laps done before dinner.”

She turned to follow him out of the clearing but not before she felt a brush against her shoulder and a whisper in her ear.

“Well done.”

***

“Reiner! Reiner, did you see me today?”

“Sure, did little guy,” Reiner ruffled Eren’s hair, “good work.”

“Thanks for the advice,” he replied shoving his hand off, “couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Or a working belt I bet.”

“Or that,” he laughed.

Reiner went to bed feeling good about himself. He’d made two people happier today. He remembered Mara’s subdued demeanour before the rigs compared to the loud voice coming from her table at dinner. Then he recalled the feeling of pride that overtook him as he watched Eren balance on the ODM. Today was a good day. Even if he had faked his ineptitude on the manoeuvres earlier today. Even if he had lied to Eren last night, telling him he could defeat the Titans.

Though his dreams that night were only filled with one face. Wide brown eyes and a big, opened mouth smile hanging upside down in front him, laughter tinkling in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my first time trying to switch between POVs in the same chapter, let me know what you think!


	6. Question

After the first week of aptitude tests and weeding out the weak, the structure of the cadet’s training became more rigid and arduous. The weather took a sudden turn seeming to match their dampening moods, but it didn’t halt to gruelling activities they had to partake in. The Commandant had them wake at the crack of dawn on the Monday to take them on their first trek through the forest. They were unprepared for the rainstorm that cast over them but Shadies did not relent making them blunder their way through the trees. They ended the day long after the sun had set, soaked to the bone with legs that felt like lead and brains stuffed with wool.

“I feel like a walking corpse,” Connie groaned as he stiffly sat down at the table for dinner.

“At least I’ve got meals back,” Sasha grumbled.

“Is everyday going to be like this?” Jean said, his head on the table.

Everyday was like that. The Commandant pushed them to go further and faster each day with heavy packs on their backs. Mara felt miserable, the rain made it hard to even talk amongst themselves, everyone preferring to keep their heads down and hoods up. They had been more prepared for the harsh weather the following days, but the days still ended with them cold and aching. She noticed a few people were struggling to keep up but under the Commandant’s never wavering gaze they were strictly forbidden from alleviating the burdens from each other.

On the third day, Mara noticed Reiner help Armin with his pack but didn’t say anything and kept moving forward. She hadn’t spoken to him since Friday. She’d seen him hanging around with Jean and Connie on the weekend, he had left when she and Sasha approached. Though they were in the same group during treks Reiner didn’t speak to her. She had first thought he just didn’t want to speak to anyone but on the fourth day when the rain had settled down and people were more social, she couldn’t help but notice he was talking to everyone except her.

Mara didn’t know why she cared. Wasn’t she already breaking her own rules by aligning herself with Jean and the others? Why did she want that big blonde oaf to talk to her? Still, she couldn’t help but wonder why he had chosen to ignore her. Was she that repulsive? Had she done something to offend him? She found it hard to focus on her conversation with Jean when he could hear his gravelly laugh behind her.

“So, what do you think?” Jean asked her.

“Hm?” she stared blankly at his face.

“You weren’t listening?” he said unbelievably.

“Well, you just went on forever. So maybe I zoned out.”

“I was _saying_ , Connie said there was a lake further back that doesn’t look too hard to get to and the weather looks like it’s clearing up, we were thinking of hanging out there this Sunday, you down?”

“Sure,” she shrugged, “as long as it’s not too far, right now I don’t even want to think about walking anymore. Oh, and we’d have to make sure our chores are done on Saturday.”

“Alright cool.”

“Who else is coming?”

“Well Marco, Connie and Sasha of course,” he said counting on his fingers, “Marco said something about inviting Armin which means Eren will be coming.” Jean looked disgusted at the thought.

“If Eren comes then Mikasa would definitely join in.”

“Oh yeah,” Jean’s face lit up, “okay then Connie was going to invite Bertholdt and Reiner and then-“

“Wha- who did you just say?”

“Bertholdt, the tall guy kinda quiet, hangs around Reiner all the time. You know him of course.”

“Yeah I do,” she muttered.

“-so then Sasha wanted to invite Krista so Ymir will be coming as well. And apparently it would be rude not to invite Annie, she shares a bunk with them or something.”

“I don’t know any of those people, are you sure they’re in my dorm?”

“I wonder if Franz, Thomas, Mina and Hanna would come too,” he paused thoughtfully.

“Okay now you’re just making up names,” she said drily, “wait, did you say Thomas?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Have you spoken to him?”

Thomas was from Trost like them. He was the class golden boy so it’s no surprise he was here trying to join the Military Police. Mara hadn’t been particularly close to him and neither had Jean, so she was surprised that he had mentioned his name.

“Kinda. He’s alright now, not a kiss-ass like he used to be.”

Mara sniggered. They were broaching a topic they had so far steered clear of. Unspoken boundaries in conversation that let them forget of taunts, tears, and bullies. There were consequences to being the weird kids in a small town like Trost, something they were both happy to leave behind.

“Anyway, weather permitting, it should be a good day,” Jean said briskly changing the subject.

“It doesn’t sound as small as I imagined,” Mara said hesitantly.

“Come on, don’t be a stick in the mud,” Jean nudged her with his shoulder, to show he didn’t mean it, “we’re supposed to be making friends remember?”

Mara rolled her eyes.

“We have been. We don’t need to be pals with every single person in the division.”

“Hey, I’m doing this for you. You never know which one of these people could save your life one day.”

The tone of the conversation had suddenly turned serious as Mara deliberated over his words. She hadn’t considered that. She thought sticking to herself was the best option for her. The less attachments the easier it would be to move on. She had failed to consider the benefits of such attachments, after all she wasn’t joining the Garrison to just sit around. She knew the attack on Wall Rose was imminent and she fully intended to be in the thick of it when it happened. Maybe a few friends here would be the difference between life and death for her later.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she mumbled.

“Sorry, what was that?” Jean put his hand to his ear comically.

“I’m not repeating it,” she said shoving him.

He laughed as he straightened himself.

“Thanks though,” she said to ground but she meant it.

“Always, Luna.”

The following days Mara thought only of the meeting on Sunday. When the weather cleared on Friday and the cadets groaned about being too hot with all the layers and heavy packs, Shadies shut them all up with loud brazen words and none of them dared speak until they convened in the mess hall that evening. There was a certain buzz between a few of the cadets over what they would do on their weekend. Those who were privy to the rendezvous by the lake shared knowing looks and whispers of details. They had decided to stagger their walks to the spot as to not draw the attention of any instructors or other cadets lest the gathering gets too big.

On Saturday, the anticipation was palpable. The weather was perfect for an enjoyable day outdoors and even those that were not a part of their plans were excited about the prospect of a free day in the sun. The cadets hurried through their various chores in order to get them done before Sunday. The instructors seemed to notice that the change in energy but were also looking forward to a relaxing day so didn’t reprimand them for the rush.

“Do you know who’s on kitchen duty tomorrow?” Connie asked Marco that evening.

“It’s one of the guys from our dorm but no one who’s supposed to be coming tomorrow.”

“You guys were meant to clean the dorms, right?”

"Yeah, Shadies checked it so we’re in the clear.”

“Good,” Jean nodded, “what about you Mara?”

“Me and Sasha were on stables. We finished pretty quickly though, Mikasa was there too.”

“Yeah, that girl can work,” Sasha added her mouth full, “what time are we leaving tomorrow btw?”

“Marco?” Jean turned to the freckled boy.

“Well, the five of us are going together first at around ten. Then Eren’s group, then Krista and Ymir are coming with Annie, if she shows because she wasn’t that enthusiastic when I told her,” he dropped his voice at the last part, “then Reiner and Bertholdt are taking the rear.”

“That’s everyone?”

“That’s everyone.”

Mara’s stomach felt particularly restless that night as she tried to sleep. This was the first time she had ever hung around a group this big; she’d be lying of she said she wasn’t anxious. She figured she could just stick with Jean if things got too much to handle but Sasha seemed to be excited to hang out with her to. The excitable girl had clung to Mara’s arm as they walked to the dorms going on about all the ‘girly’ time they could have with the others. From what Mara saw of the girls Sasha shared a bunk with she didn’t think they would be as enthusiastic as the red head was and she didn’t want her to be disappointed. If that meant sucking up her anticipation and finding out what girly time actually entailed, she would do it. God, when did she get so sappy? Was she really going out of her way to keep Sasha happy? This friends thing was hard work, she didn’t know if she could handle anymore. But Jean’s words played in her head as she eventually fell asleep, and she knew she had to try.

_You never know which one of these people could save your life one day._

At precisely ten her and Sasha met up with the boys outside their dorm and started their walk to the lake.

“Why are we even going to a lake anyway?” she asked out loud.

“Because Mara,” Connie answered, exasperatedly, “it’s the perfect place to sit around on a hot day. You know with the grass and water and everything.”

“Yeah, Mara don’t you know anything?” Jean teased.

She just rolled her eyes and adjusted the bag on her back. Sasha insisted on bringing food she’s sneaked from the kitchen and then had complained the bag was too heavy ten minutes into the journey.

“Give it here,” Jean gestured, “you’ve been holding it long enough.”

Mara offered no complaints, the bag was heavy (what exactly had Sasha put in there?) and they had been walking for over an hour.

“Connie,” she complained as they walked, “I thought you said it was close?”

“It is!” he argued, “I mean... compared to how much we walked that day.”

They all groaned. It had been a straight path so far so it wouldn’t be hard for the others to find but they wouldn’t be expecting to walk this much.

“Connie, if we end up walking for another hour I’m going to-“

Jean’s threat was cut short as they all saw the water in front of them, sparkling in the morning sun. As the broke the treeline Mara understood what Connie meant about this being the perfect place to hang out. The grass surrounding the lake was long and soft, a small stream of water was falling down one of the cliff faces to the side, there was a smaller ledge that seemed to hang over the deepest part of the lake. They were all struck silent as they revelled at the sight in front of them.

“Wow,” Jean said after a few moments, “well done, Connie.”

Connie grinned then broke off into a sprint around the edge of the water.

“Race you to that ledge Sasha!”

“Hey, no fair you started first.”

As they watched their two crazier friends run off, Mara put her arms around Marco and Jean's shoulders and pulling them down to her height. 

"Sooo," she looked at Marco, "what now?"

"Well, the rest should be coming in about half an hour so we can just chill until then."

"Orrr," Jean looked at Mara through the side of his eye, "we could..."

Then he jabbed Marco in the side and said, "You're it!" before running off laughing wildly.

Mara looked at Marco exasperatedly.

"Is he a child?"

"I don't know about him," Marco started, "but i know... you're it," he tapped her on the shoulder and ran off in the same direction as jean, giggling all the way.

Mara blinked in surprise. this was uncharacteristically silly of the freckled boy, but she guessed this what you did when you hung out with friends. And she wasn't about to let them win.

By the time Eren, Armin and Mikasa had arrived the three of them were collapsed on the mossy ground, sweaty, out of breath, in fits of laughter.

"What's wrong with you?"

Mara looked up and saw Eren's serious face looking back at her.

"You guys finally made it," Mara said getting up.

"Yeah. We brought some- Or at least Mikasa brought food with us."

"Don't say that too loud you'll-"

Sasha came running out of nowhere.

"Did you say food?"

"Now you've done it," Jean said as Mara pulled him off the floor.

"Sasha, we said we'd wait for the others before we start eating," Marco reasoned.

"But that won't be for ages!"

"Sasha be patient!" Jean reprimanded her.

As Sasha tried to argue with Marco and Jean, Mara walked over to Eren and his two friends. Might as well make conversation, she thought taking a deep breath. Armin was the first to make eye contact with her as she approached.

"Oh hey, Mara," he greeted, "we haven't spoken since we got here."

"Yeah," she felt a little awkward and ran her fingers through her hair, "sorry about that."

"No that's okay," he smiled, "how have you been?

"Not too bad. Though this week has been rough."

"You can say that again," Eren chimed in.

"I heard we're meant to be starting theory lessons next week so that will be a nice change of pace."

"Really? I heard we're doing hand to hand combat," Mikasa said.

"Either one would beat the endless walking we've been going through."

There was an awkward lull in the conversation where Mara noticed the other three glance at each other, seemingly having a conversation with their eyes. They seem to come to an understanding before Mikasa spoke.

"Look Mara there's something we need to say."

Mara frowned. Where was this going?

"We never thanked you. For how you helped us after... after," Mikasa drifted off.

"What Mikasa is trying to say is that we're grateful, for everything you and your father did for us when we arrived in Trost."

She hadn't been expecting that. They were all looking at her so earnestly she had no difficulty in feeling the sincerity of their words.

"Oh well... you're welcome, I guess," she didn't know what to say, "it was all my dad really he's always ready to help others. You don't have to thank me."

"Yeah, well we mean it," Eren said, "And we know that your dad-"

"So, if you ever need anything, you can come to us," Armin interrupted him, "we really owe you one."

"Seriously," Mikasa added quietly, "we were in a really bad shape when you found us. If you hadn't been there, we would've... It was just good that you were there."

Mara didn't know how to respond so she just nodded.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Connie ambled over to them, nonchalantly, with both his hands behind his head. This seemed to catch the attention of Jean who also walked over.

"You better not be giving Mara a hard time, Jaeger," his voice not holding back on the contempt.

"And what if I were?" Eren was quick to match his energy.

"He wasn't," Mara said coolly, turning to Jean, "drop it."

She pulled Jean away from Eren as he stared daggers at the boy; Mikasa murmured warnings to Eren trying to get him to back down too. The two of them were always at each other's throats, so this was unavoidable but they could keep it civil for one afternoon. Just as she dragged Jean away from the rest, two girls came out of the forest towards them.

"Krista! Ymir!" Sasha came running towards them, "wait where's Annie?"

"She isn't coming," the taller one told her, her voice flat and void of emotion.

"Oh," Sasha looked deflated for a moment, "well at least you came!"

"Of course, Sasha," the blonde said, "we wouldn't miss it. Oh, and we bought some fruit like you asked."

Sasha's face lit up, but Jean came and grabbed the bag from the smaller girl before she could take it.

"Thanks Krista. We can have these later, " he said pointedly.

Sasha pouted again.

"Hey Sasha, come sit with me," Mara called settling down on a patch of overgrown grass, trying to think of something to distract the hungry girl before Jean lost it. Again.

"Ooh will you let me do you hair now?" Sasha bounded over and sat herself next to her friend.

Mara's hair was thick and soft and it came just past her shoulders. Sasha had asked her every morning if she could braid it or do something other than the regular half knot Mara sported. She had to stop the girl from continuously stroking her hair and blushed at the longing praises she gave. She thought back to the 'girl time' Sasha wanted and relented.

"Sure," she replied apprehensively and smiled nervously into Sasha's eager face.

And so, they sat together, Sasha's practised fingers gently removing the tie from her hair, deftly undoing small knots that had already accumulated since morning and then tenderly beginning a fishtail braid on one side of her hair. As she worked chatting all the while Mara listened and enjoyed the calming feeling of fingers in her hair. Slowly, the rest of the cadets sat with them and a few separate conversations turned into one. Soon they were talking loudly and trading stories, trying to one up each other with the most outlandish thing they had done.

"You hit grown men for bad mouthing the scouts?" Jean asked incredulously.

"Yeah. They deserved it! I would've showed them too if Mikasa didn't stop me."

"Wow I knew you were a suicidal maniac, but this just takes the cake," Jean laughed.

"Suicidal maniac!" Ymir exclaimed, "that's the perfect way to describe him!"

They all bent over laughing, Connie crying out that he couldn't breathe. Mara pointed wordlessly at Eren's angry face setting them off in an even harder fit of laughter. Even Armin and Mikasa joined in unable to contain their mirth now that their exasperation at Eren was finally shared with others.

"I don't think it's very funny," Eren glared.

"Oh, but it is," Jean chortled. As he wiped his eyes, Mara noticed him look over to Mikasa, gaging her reaction. What was that about, she thought.

"I'm hungry," Sasha said out of nowhere. Mara noticed she had finished with her braids and was no longer distracted from her main thoughts. Food.

"What's new?"

"Can we eat now?"

"No, we're still waiting for two more-"

"There they are," Jean said looking behind her.

"So, what did we miss?" Mara heard a familiar baritone voice.

She turned to see Reiner and Bertholdt approaching them. Oh yes, she had been so preoccupied with thinking about how she was meant to act in this social setting that she hadn't thought about _him_ at all. About why and how he was ignoring her. Or about why she cared. As his hazel eyes met hers all those thoughts came flooding back. She felt her heart thud a little faster. And then he looked away and the feeling was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know, I promise this story is going somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Following anime canon with spoilers for Season 4


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